Oolong

Quick facts

Race: Kenku · Real name: Tobi · Party: The Cacklers · Family: Tala (sister) · Ship: Rootbeer Float · Status: Unknown. Disappeared from the battlefield after The Cell Games and has not returned (as of C2 Session 83)

Oolong is the kenku of The Cacklers: healer, shapeshifter, pirate, thief, and the party’s most reliable source of collateral damage. He started Campaign 1 in a prison cell and ended it by flying off alone, leaving each friend a handmade gift and a note in perfect cursive.

Overview

Oolong heals the party, wild shapes into eagles, sharks, whales and hawks, and turns other people into rhinos and giant apes with his polymorph wand. He couldn’t read for most of the campaign, which didn’t stop him from inventing several of the Cackler rules. The name Oolong was not his own. He learned his real name, Tobi, from his sister Tala while she traveled with the party; the kenku held by the Collector had been given slave names, “Kenku” itself being “Uknek” backwards.

History

Campaign 1

Joining up. Yaba’s teleport dropped the party into a pirate prison cell where they found Oolong. He had once sailed with the Crew of the Rootbeer Float before Captain Rootbeard and his crew captured him. In Beerlia, a voice in his head led him to Max the Andalite, who asked for help with a silent plague and gave him the gift of Seerow’s Kindness. Oolong later rescued Max from the cave of Him. When the party freed his old crewmates from a Beerlian jail, they sang a shanty in his honor. On Scotch on the Rocks, Oolong found the Muffin Button in Ibeesee’s vault.

Buttermilk. Under the sea at Buttermilk, Oolong turned into an eagle, snatched the Star Orb from Grand Admiral Blue’s hands, and when Blue knocked him down, put the orb in his mouth, dropped off the platform and became a shark in midair. A sea creature charmed him, but he broke free with the orb still in his beak. When Blue ambushed the trio later, Oolong dripped the last drops of a healing potion into Terra’s mouth and kept her alive. He dreamed that night of falling through the sky and meeting golden birds.

The tournament and the Collector. Oolong beat Recoome of the Ginyu Force, the previous champion, in the quarterfinals, then vanished before his semifinal. He was caught fighting an automaton beside the Star Orb in the Collector’s collection. The Collector told him he had originally been meant for that collection, and that the men hired to deliver him had mutinied. Oolong was allowed to leave in exchange for the party fetching the vase holding King Piccolo. On the road he scried on Meo and saw Emperor Pilaf open the jar.

Killed by Piccolo. When Piccolo knocked out Sophie, Oolong healed her and sent his polymorphed owl at the demon king. Piccolo laughed, “Always go after the healer first,” and killed him. Greene revived him.

North City. Oolong’s sister Tala, held by the Gem Sapphire, sent him the clan promise: “No bird left behind.” Obsidian told him, “No matter where you go, we are family,” and left him a feather. In Walter’s Watch Warehouse, Oolong scared the 73-year-old owner into a heart attack, stabbed him in the heart to make sure of a bow, disguised himself as a “bimbo,” yelled “Please!” and ran. He disguised himself as the Collector to bully the North City Times into reporting that Emerald had been “killed in the streets.” In the final fight with the Collector, it was Oolong who used a mud doll of Terra to dispel the bracers that enslaved her.

Scotch on the Rocks. When Captain Rootbeard charged in as a werewolf, Oolong became a giant ape, scared him off, and then threw Terra through the casino window onto him. He kept tearing the building apart as an ape and stole a ton of gold in the chaos.

More North City. As the Collector, Oolong walked past the mansion’s Cybermen and freed hundreds of starving kenku from their cells with a touch. Terra told him to give a speech; he said, “no why would I say anything,” and ran down the hall freeing them. Shopping for an apology gift for Sophie at Omar’s shop of curiosities, he threw a ferret at the owner and turned it into a rhino mid-air to get a better price on a Ring of Shooting Stars. During the Rose Ribbon invasion, Barqs Dimension Doored him onto the Rootbeer Float, and Oolong became a whale in the naval battle.

West City. In the final fight with Piccolo, Oolong fed Piccolo owl droppings, courtesy of Muffin: “Muffin shits in Piccolo’s mouth.” After Master Toshi died, Oolong shoved Goku aside and cast Reincarnate, and Toshi came back younger, muscular and still bald. Oolong’s verdict on the battle: “Turns out dying twice is not good for you.” When Terra and Sophie came back from the FeyWild holding hands, he asked, “So, did y’all kiss?”

Were-Cackler. The Were-Cackler (Greene) killed Oolong and infected him. Oolong threw every cure he had at the curse and nothing worked: “Why are you being so difficult? It literally says remove curse.” He died again in the fall of the Rootbeer Float, and Greene revived him. High Sorcerer Cobalt took his polymorph wand and his staff.

Cherudo and Raviki. Oolong was turned away from Cherudo as a man. He had the magician Davvers draw from the Deck of Many Things, and on a second try Davvers’ soul was ripped away; Oolong said the dead magician had given him his cards under rule seven. When Elyon confronted him, he turned into a mouse and ran. He also passed on rule nine: “Voes before hoes.” Raviki nearly killed him with necrotic magic during the heist.

The sea hag. Oolong signed the sea hag’s contract to become “the smartest pirate in all of Arlia,” only to realize he’d bought the brains and not the mermaid. He promptly found Dr. Willow’s research in the North City library. With the dwarf clerk Jasmine he robbed Omar’s shop again, turning her into a rhinoceros this time, and came away with rings and five Senzu beans. Told he had forgotten Sophie existed, he answered, “That one is on me. I forgot you existed.”

Endgame. Oolong appointed himself director of Terra and Sophie’s wedding, then panicked: “Wait, don’t I have to pay for the wedding now?” At Muscle Tower the party cast death ward on him before the assault. After Shenlong’s wish he vanished. The Muffin Button pointed to his parting gifts, decorated with feathers and wood: the button and a note for Elyon, a wedding painting and the key to the Collector’s mansion for Terra, two rings for Juliette, and a figurine of himself and Greene for Greene. His notes were written in perfect cursive, which unsettled everyone, since they didn’t know he could write. He had flown off into the sunset.

The ship’s command also changed hands at some point: Oolong became captain of the Rootbeer Float, and Barqs stayed on as his first mate.

Campaign 1.5

About twenty years after Campaign 1, Oolong was still with the Cacklers. In the Tabasco Forest, Perfect Cell named him as one of the Cacklers he was made from (C1.5 Chapter 02).

At The Cell Games, Jimmy Firecracker introduced him as “the breaker of chains, the claimer of clouds, the shape-shifting savior of the Uknekians.” He fought as a T-rex and took a kamehameha with Terra. When Cell fired another at him, Sophie’s arcane ward saved him. Oolong then walked up and hugged Cell, wrapping his feathery wings around him while the others begged him to get away. He let go, and Belle Pepper’s lightning blew Cell apart. Having touched Cell, Oolong used Seerow’s Kindness to take his form, and the others looked over to see “Cell” standing where Oolong had been: “All right, guys, let’s attack.” When the real Cell reformed, he beat Oolong-as-Cell unconscious.

After Cell was destroyed and the Games were over, Oolong popped off the battlefield, just after Belle. He has not returned (C1.5 Chapter 03).

Campaign 2

Oolong appears in North City as one of the veteran Cacklers. When Escher was caught stealing from the Cacklers’ collection, Bulma suggested enrolling him at CAGS under Oolong’s supervision (Session 64). During the Ozaroo rampage, Oolong hit Prince Vegeta and Gohan with a massive Spirit Bomb (Session 66).

Relationships

• Tala: His sister, who taught him his real name.
• Obsidian: A kenku Gem who swore that they were family.
• Captain Barqs: His old captain, later his first mate, who called him “bird boy.”
• Greene: His best friend, killer and reviver.
• Sophie and Terra: He directed their wedding.

Notable quotes

• “Muffin shits in Piccolo’s mouth.”
• “Voes before hoes.” (Cackler rule nine)
• “If we start to establish where pee goes, this whole world crumbles.”
• “So, did y’all kiss?”
• “That one is on me. I forgot you existed.”

Appears in

• Campaign 1 (throughout)
• Campaign 1.5: Chapter 2, Chapter 3
• Session 64, Session 66